What’s your largest concern? What would it not imply in the event you may overcome that concern, as soon as and for all?
On this article, I’m going that will help you do precisely that by instructing you 5 ways to beat something you may be afraid of. Heights, spiders, small areas, strangely-shaped clouds—no matter makes your knees flip to water and retains you up at night time.
These 5 ways are common and confirmed. In truth, final yr I used them to assist two readers who had been afraid of driving overcome their concern over a single weekend, then shared the outcomes on my YouTube channel.
Prepared for these 5 ways?
Let’s hear them.
1. Publicity Remedy
The core of attacking any concern is one thing in psychology referred to as publicity remedy.1
Publicity remedy is precisely what it says. You are taking one thing you’re afraid of and steadily expose your self to it, first in small doses, then in bigger doses, till lastly you turn into desensitized to the expertise.
In the event you’re afraid of heights, you don’t need to begin on the prime of the Eiffel Tower. You need to begin on a second-floor balcony and work your manner up till it turns into snug to face on the prime of the constructing.
Publicity remedy works as a result of the human thoughts is an affiliation machine.2 For many of us, our best fears are derived from some previous traumatic episode or set of experiences.
Within the case of my two readers afraid of driving, one survived a automotive accident when she was younger, whereas the opposite had internalized her father’s neurotic insistence that she was going to die if she drove too quick.
And these associations had managed each ladies ever since.
Publicity remedy helps us affiliate the expertise we’re afraid of with totally different, extra useful beliefs.3
Not tumbling to your dying from a second-floor balcony exhibits you top doesn’t carry inevitable doom. As for my two readers, I selected a gradual drive in a retirement neighborhood to weaken their affiliation of driving with horrific crashes.
However—and right here’s the issue we run into with publicity remedy—they had been nonetheless terrified even at 20 miles an hour.
Though publicity remedy helps us create new, extra useful associations with our fears, it’s inherently traumatic and scary as a result of in doing it we’re pressured to confront the fears we’ve spent our lives operating away from.
To make publicity remedy extra palatable, some individuals observe visualization. Psychologists are identified to have their sufferers visualize their largest fears and strategize responses to these fears of their thoughts.
Others go as far as to create VR simulations of the scary exercise to mentally put together for the real-life expertise.4
One much less mentioned technique is my subsequent tactic: orthogonal publicity.
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2. Orthogonal Publicity
Orthogonal publicity is mainly giving your self a break from the daunting exercise you’re dealing with, and doing one thing that’s totally different however extremely associated as an alternative.
Surprisingly, this could have a whole lot of success with individuals’s fears.
Paul Graham, the well-known investor, claims that he overcame his concern of flying on airplanes by studying to hang-glide. A buddy of mine as soon as informed me that he overcame his concern of heights by studying to ski, by standing on prime of a steep slope and searching down the mountain.
By attacking associated, however totally different actions to the precise concern, we give ourselves a wider floor space to create new associations and construct self-confidence.
As orthogonal publicity for my two fear-stricken drivers, I took them go-cart racing. I hoped that the motivation to beat one another within the race would inspire them to drive sooner and push their boundaries.
I assume I ought to have identified that wouldn’t work. Regardless of my urgings, each ladies completed lifeless final. Which brings me to the subsequent tactic…
Earlier than we transfer on, take into consideration a concern that you’ve.
- What would your first stage of publicity remedy be?
- What would orthogonal publicity seem like on your concern?
3. Altitude Coaching
Eliud Kipchoge is one of the best marathon runner who has ever lived. In his 20-year profession, he has received over 70% of the races he has entered and is the one human who has ever run a sub-two hour marathon.
One factor that’s notable about Kipchoge’s coaching is that he trains within the mountains of Western Kenya at an altitude of 8,000 ft above sea stage.
For individuals such as you and me, this altitude is completely crippling. We’d be gasping after a pair laps, however for Kipchoge, that is his commonplace observe. And when he comes again all the way down to sea stage in Berlin or London or Tokyo, he demolishes his competitors.
That is identified in sports activities as altitude coaching,5 and it will possibly work for fears as nicely.
In the event you take no matter exercise scares you and amplify the issue or complexity of that exercise, returning to the traditional exercise afterwards will really feel straightforward by comparability.
At the least that’s the idea.
With concern, it’s difficult. As a result of dealing with concern operates in a sort of Goldilocks zone. If the exercise you’re doing feels too straightforward, you received’t make any progress. But when the exercise feels impossibly arduous, then you’ll be able to turn into overwhelmed and panic and find yourself creating extra concern for your self.
So the purpose is to search out one thing that’s on the very fringe of what feels doable, within the Goldilocks zone. Not too straightforward, however not too arduous.
I took the 2 ladies to the racetrack and rented among the quickest streetcars in America. The problem was to go over 120 miles per hour, greater than double the velocity individuals drive at on the freeway. And one in every of them succeeded.
What’s extra, she stated she had enjoyable doing it.
4. Make It Enjoyable
Will Smith has an incredible saying:
The most effective issues in life are on the opposite facet of our fears.
The higher the concern, the higher the pleasure ready for you on the opposite facet.
This raises an vital query for you and no matter concern you may be battling: How are you going to make it enjoyable?
When you might have enjoyable doing one thing that beforehand scared you shitless, that’s once you start to tear down these associations that terrorized you your whole life.
Are you intimidated of courting? Nicely, how will you make it enjoyable? Are you able to flip it into a little bit sport for your self? Do a double date with a buddy you get pleasure from spending time with?
Insecure about your physique picture, afraid to go to the gymnasium? How do you make it enjoyable? Are you able to make bets with your self on how a lot weight you’ll be able to raise? Select a exercise the place you’re feeling much less inhibited? Or go all out and be a part of a pole dancing class?
Return to the concern you’ve been engaged on.
- What altitude coaching are you able to topic your self to?
- How are you going to make the entire expertise enjoyable?
5. Identification Formation
It’s at this level that we get into the fifth and deepest technique of conquering concern—identification formation.
I discussed earlier than that the thoughts was an affiliation machine. Take the sum whole of these associations and also you get an individual’s identification.
Statements like “I’m a author,” “I like lengthy hikes,” “I’m afraid to drive” are all based mostly on associations.
You may have optimistic associations with some issues, so that you do them repeatedly. You may have adverse associations with different issues, so that you keep away from them repeatedly.
These repeated and prevented actions then turn into your identification.
Previous to their weekend with me, my two readers’ identities had been partly formed by their incapability to drive.
So I gave them an expertise that may reshape their perspective. I rented a Lamborghini for every of them to drive down the Las Vegas strip.
As they took turns doing so, individuals stored waving and snapping photos and calling out to us. That scariest factor that had been so intimidating to them their entire lives, now they had been being socially rewarded and validated for it.
They will by no means say once more, “I’ve by no means loved driving,” as a result of they’ve.
They will by no means say once more, “I’ve no good reminiscences in a automotive,” as a result of they do.
They will by no means say once more, “I’ve by no means pushed on a street journey,” as a result of I didn’t purchase return tickets for our Las Vegas weekend. The one technique to get house in Los Angeles was to drive.
They usually did.
The 2 ladies drove from the Las Vegas strip to the seashores of Santa Monica. A drive that’s 294 miles by way of the desert, numerous cities, mountains, freeways, and infamous LA visitors. They took turns, had relaxation stops, and at no level did I contact the wheel.
Any concern might be conquered. It’s a matter of selection, persistence, and a little bit technique.
However I haven’t informed you what’s perhaps a very powerful one but…
Bonus: Do It With a Buddy
That technique known as friendship.
My two readers had one another. They inspired one another, they stored one another accountable, whereas I stored them each accountable.
The most important asset in conquering any concern is an ally. Somebody who can assist you sort out your largest demons. Who can maintain you up once you begin to fall. Who can lend a serving to hand once you want that additional push.
What’s additionally understated is the dedication that outcomes from tackling your concern with a buddy.
My two readers made a dedication to one another. Neither one in every of them wished to be the one which bailed. And so by them each being there, they stored one another going.
You possibly can’t half-ass a concern. It’s a must to go all in.
It’s essential set stakes for your self and create penalties, after which discover the allies and assist networks to maintain you accountable.
From there, you ramp up gradual publicity. Give your self a little bit little bit of altitude coaching and reward your self for every of the small victories.
My weekend with the 2 readers was a triumph not due to the street journey house, although that was fairly badass. It was a triumph as a result of we did it collectively. We created optimistic reminiscences and confirmed each other what was doable.
That is what issues most, creating these optimistic associations. Making these lasting reminiscences. Redefining what is feasible.